my Love is Birthday today (Late Post supposed to be Jan 31,2015)

EVD is my husband's initial..

Setiap moment sejak kami married seperti: Ultah, Anniversary, Valentine, Imlek pasti kami rayakan... untuk ultah, anniversary dan valentine adalah hari di mana kami berlomba untuk memberikan surprise... feel so happy...

and we try to keep this habit until we get old...

bahkan saat our boys (Boomer, Looker, Tooter, Cooper) bday pun, kami selalu merayakannya...
Karena saya selalu berpikir semua moment itu harus di rayakan, di nikmati dan di lakukan sepenuh hati just like we are going to die tomorrow...

so I Hope....

Ahoy...

I said "today is one of my Judgement day"

Never come out in my mind I will do this again.. only to get what I really want in my life right now. I really want to have my own baby so something that I passed long time ago, I have to pass it again.. doing any doctor's control  fro beginning... Usg, HSG, etc...

even I have to swept my tears all over again, especially when one of the doctor said it's impossible doing IVF 'cause the adenomyosis.. He said just like he want to tell me, pls do not wasting your time and your money doing something impossible to do.. ow sorry.. not just like he want to but he really said it frontal in front of nurse and young doctor to me.. so can you imagine what I felt at that time? still.. I tried to smile and act like its ok and fine to me..

So,
I did it, I did just now HSG for the second times in my life and through it again.. once again.
it quite painful but I through it before and never mind if I have to through it once again..

The result?
Wait when I see the doctor next week...

Ahoy...

someTHING or someThink

someTHING ...ada seseuatu yang yang kadang gue ga ngerti dan akhirnya berujung pada someTHINK... yang membuat pikiran gue muter" mencari pembenaran terhadap yang gue ga tau itu.

is it something wrong with me or my family or my life or etc... so I think too much dan sometimes malah bikin gue sendiri bingung dengan pemikiran" gue.

seperti hari ini, baru aja senang karena akhirnya dapat helper eeehhhh baru 3 hari kerja tadi pagi bilang mau keluar dengan alasan mengada"... huhu

jadi berpikir lah gue macam", knapa yah dia tiba" dia mau keluar padahal dari kemarin dari hasil ngobrol" seperti ga ada yang salah..

kerjaan banyak? masa sih?  kayaknya gue belum memberikan perintah untuk misalnya manjat genteng, angkat mobil, bangun rumah, tangkap kodok, dll

haha just kidding... tapi emang blm memberikan kerjaan macam" karena baru 3 hari jadi cucu gosok aja belum, cuci kamar mandi aja belum, cuci mobil juga belum... baru seputar nyapu, ngepel dan ngelap... berat ga ya??? thinking???

but anyway... never give up lah gue... dengan  kata lain.. let her go, let her goo... hehe